It Begins, but Not at the Beginning

It starts a few months in. I’ll probably fill in the backstory at some point, but what’s important is that I’ve started a journey… a big, scary, seemingly impossible journey. I’ve started a journey into health.

It’s been three and a half months. Three and a half months of Crossfit… of trying… of succeeding, and certainly …of failing. My Crossfit Coach Friend tells me I need to journal. I have been doing so in my head and on little scraps of paper… so I don’t forget… so I don’t repeat… so I can kick, scream, and claw my way out of poor health and never forget so I never have to do it again. I need to write it down. I need proof. I can’t forget.

Yesterday was a test and I passed. I couldn’t go to the gym… the box… because my youngest was sick. Do I workout at home as best I can… or do I skip it and think I’ll make it up at some point. We all know *that* will never happen! I passed. I went to my box’s site, found out what they were doing today, and modified it so I could do it at home. What I did:  100 pushups, 75 jumps onto my bottom stair, 50 situps, and 25 of the saddest couch dips ever. lol! What’s important is that I did something… and I did it in 18 minutes.

I haven’t been getting on the scale lately. It was driving me crazy… up, down, up, down, up down… and I made a HUGE mistake getting on it today… up… a pound. You would think a pound isn’t that big of a deal… but it is. It’s upsetting. I see my Hubby losing all kinds of weight and I gained a pound. My next official weigh in is March 10th. I’m already stressing that I won’t lose any weight this month. It was stress I didn’t need. I know I’m gaining muscle. I see it. I feel it. I know the measurements I take are getting smaller… but I’m still wearing the same pants size. I’m baffled by this. How the heck can I lose 5+ inches in my waist and still wear the same pants size.

Oh… and let’s talk about the mirror. People tell me it lies…. or that my brain lies. I look in the mirror and I don’t see much difference. I think my face looks the same. I think my double chin looks the same. My Hubs can tell a difference. He even walked up behind me in the grocery store and wasn’t 100% sure that it was me… but I still look the same in my brain. I wonder if that will ever change.

So… here I am, journaling my progress, my failures. I’m doing this for me. I wonder if I’ll ever have the courage to go public. It took me three months to go public about Crossfit. It was my little secret for a long time. A different friend of mine went public recently about his own journey and his own blog. He’s brave. I wonder if I’ll ever be….