Yep. I wrote that correctly. I am Determined to Out-Eat My Exercise. I must be. Everyone says you can’t out-exercise your diet, yet I seem bound and determined to try. I try to control my eating… or Lord, do I try. I fail… repeatedly. I fail all the time. I can’t seem to *stop* failing. I’m completely embarrassed to even talk about what I’ve eaten the last few days, but I’ll tell you that I ate a Twix bar for breakfast. I realized what I’d done and followed it up with a bowl of all-beef (grassfed) chili to help minimize the insulin spike and help give me some energy to get through my workout. It’s not that I don’t have the tools. It’s not that I don’t have the books…. the resources. I *know* what I’m supposed to be doing. I just seem to be hard-headed and hell-bent on screwing it up. Why??? Maybe I need a therapist… oh wait… I *am* a therapist. Well, sh*t… now what???
I have no deep dark secret. I was raised in a solidly middle-class home by two loving parents. I’m happily married to a man who loves his job and provides enough so that I can stay at home and raise our five children in a solidly middle-class home in a solidly middle-class neighborhood. By all intents and purposes, I have it pretty easy. Yet… I am determined to out-eat my exercise and I don’t know why.
A few years ago, I read about a therapy technique that focuses on where the client is at that moment. It doesn’t focus on the past. It doesn’t focus on the future. It focuses on the client, what’s going on in the client’s life at this very moment, what needs to be fixed, and HOW to fix it. If the stuff from the past comes up, then it’s dealt with, but it’s certainly not the focus of the sessions. I like this method and I wish I knew more about it. Seems pretty applicable to my situation right now.
So… what am I going to do? How am I going to fix this? I don’t know. I wish I could tell you that I have some great revelation and have an awesome plan to help me succeed in my eating like I’ve been succeeding in my exercise. I’m certainly going to continue to try, but I don’t have the answers. Maybe it will click one day, like Crossfit has clicked. Maybe I’ll get so sick of myself and so desperate that it just clicks.
I’ve seen so many changes in the last three and a half months. I’m clearly smaller, though it’s hard for my brain to see it. My blood work is wonderful and eventually I’ll post about that. I feel better. I have all sorts of new muscles that I never knew were there. The problem is that I can’t exactly *see* them through the layer of fat that clings to every part of me. My hope is that one day, I will.
For now, I’ll continue to fight the carb cravings, continue to read my It Starts With Food book to better educate myself, and I’ll continue to do Crossfit. I’ll let you know how it goes.
4, 4-minute rounds, amrap in each round:
10 wall balls (14# ball)
5 toes to bar (I’ve gone from knees to waist height to feet to waist height… yay!)
My total was 14 rounds! Y’all, that’s almost a full “Karen” with a 14 pound ball!!! Squee!!!