Crossfit Total… Just a few pics

It was a frustrating day. I think it started with only sleeping 6 hours before heading into a Crossfit Total. I also have added legumes back into my diet during my annual Clean Out the Pantry before my Summer vacay. I’ll also confess to a few grains and Friday night pizza. So… perhaps I wasn’t going into it as strong as I could have.

It was difficult. My back squat went up, but only by 5#. I guess I’ve reached the place where big gains are a thing of the past and it’s now time to fight for every pound. My daughter snapped a few pics for me today.
235
squat

Next up was the Strict Press, which I tanked. My shoulder is still giving me problems. The pain is better and I’ve been working on mobility more, but there’s no doubt it’s weaker. It’s really effecting my chest press and my shoulder presses… and my strict press. Not only did I max out at 90, 15 pounds UNDER my previous one rep max, but I also got knocked off my first place spot on the leaderboard. Someone hit 110 today. Oh well… it was fun while it lasted.

Dead lifts weren’t awful today, but not exactly a success. I stayed where I was, 235# I do have a pic of my failed attempt at 245#.

245

Soooooooo close! Next time!!!
I have to keep telling myself that I might not have hit my goals… but what I’m doing IS awesome. I’m trying really hard not to focus on the fat… and how much of it is STILL there… but instead, how far I’ve come and how much of it is GONE! I’ll get there.

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I Saw It Today, for the First Time

My face! I happened to be fooling around on the computer, looking for something, and I came across a picture of me from December, one month into Crossfit. People have been commenting on my face for a while now, but today, I actually saw it. My face really DOES look smaller. It really does!

So, I guess it’s time to actually show my face. Here I am back in December, one month in… about 10 pounds down, pre-paleo.
one month

And here I am last week, taking a photo of my hair for something. lol! My face is angled upwards, but even with that, the difference is pretty amazing. I’m about 8 1/2 months into Crossfit, about 4 1/2 months of paleo-ish, and about 25 pounds down.
265844_10201398147293885_1103465802_o

Can you see it??? For the first time in my journey, I can really see it! Now… can’t wait for my tummy to follow!!! 🙂

How Bad Do I Want It?

And what exactly do I want??? 

I’ve been thinking about this today. It’s been a rough fitness day. It’s hot. It’s blazing hot. The Heat Index this week is going to be well over 100 every single day. I’ve totally ditched running outside and I’m at the mercy of my very kind Hubs, who takes me to his gym for my Couch 25K runs. I finished Week 3, Day 3 today… so on to Week 4!

However, even the thought of running inside was too much for me today. I’m grumpy and irritable. I didn’t want to run. My Hubs even tried to get me to ditch the run today because of the heat. The whole way to the gym I just did NOT want to go. I walked into the gym and I did NOT want to be there. I got on the treadmill and I did NOT want to start. Nope… did NOT want any part of running today… but you know what, I got it done. I ran when I was supposed to run and I walked when I was supposed to walk… and I’m still grumpy and irritable… and it’s still horribly hot… but I got it done because that is what I committed myself to do. I don’t know if I’ll always make that choice, but today, I did. There’s a Crossfit meme, that, of course, I can’t find at the moment. It says something about doing it even after the excitement and newness has worn off. Boy, I lived that one today. 🙂

The other thing that’s been on my mind is what exactly do I want. I want to get healthy and I want to get fit. What does that mean? I had a conversation with someone dear to me and it really upset me. I met a new Crossfitter last night, a man, and when we compared our totals, I blew him out of the water. He’s a young marathon runner who’s only been doing Crossfit for a month. It makes sense that my numbers are higher. After nearly nine months, they better be! I was really excited about this, privately, and mentioned it several times to my dear person… who was less than enthusiastic about it. He wanted to make sure I didn’t boast in front of my new Crossfit friend. I didn’t. In fact, I repeatedly said to my new friend that he’s not going to believe how fast his lift totals are going to rise after just a few months. Mine did. 

My dear person wasn’t exactly negative about my ability to out lift a man, but he wasn’t exactly positive about it either. He did say that it probably wasn’t something I shouldn’t be boasting about, even in private. He also said, what would my Mother say. Eek! I know exactly what my Mother would say, and it wouldn’t be pretty. 

Now, I’m faced with all these thoughts about women lifters and that nasty stereotype. I’m insecure about whether my dear person is actually really truly okay with me being able to lift big, even though he says he is. I can assure you, I am NOT bigger at all since I started Crossfit. I’m much smaller all around. Even with the 15+ pounds of muscle I’ve gained, that’s all be offset by such big fat loss that I’m two sizes smaller. I’m not muscular since I still have a great deal of fat left to lose. I hope one day I will be, but right now, all you see is a smaller, fat person. Plus, there are many, many women in my gym who out lift the heck out of me all the way across the board. They are thin, muscular, and look pretty darn good. How can lifting be bad???

So… today, I’ve been thinking about what it is that I really want… health and fitness… and what that means in my life. Right now, it means Crossfit and trying to clean up my diet even more. Right now, it means doing my best to lift as much as I safely can, even if that number makes the people close to me uncomfortable. Hell yes, I’m proud of my 230 back squat and my 235 dead lift and my 105 strict press! Wouldn’t YOU be??? 

Chugging along… literally

Yes… literally. I even make the little chugging sound when I’m out of breath during my short runs. lol! I’m still doing the Couch 25k program on my off days and yesterday was Week 3, Day 1. I was too scared to do it outside, because it’s always harder for me outside. Instead, I feel like I chickened out and did it on a treadmill at the Hub’s gym. However, I’m trying not to lose sight of the fact that I DID IT! 🙂 Treadmill or not, I’ve never run 3 minutes in a row, ever, let alone twice. If you’re not familiar with the program, Week 3 consists of a 5 minute warmup, 90 second run, 90 second walk, 3 minute run, 3 minute walk, 90 second run, 90 second walk, 3 minute run, 5 minute cool down. The other reason why I’m not sure it counts is my speed. I ran it at 3.8. That’s awfully slow. I don’t have access to a treadmill tomorrow, so I’ll have to do it outside, assuming I can find some time between rain storms. If not… Sunday… but I’d rather do it tomorrow. 

Crossfit is going well. Today was especially fun. It started out with bench presses, which I love. The Wod was push presses and box jumps, also favorites of mine. 30-20-10 with the push presses at 75# and regular 20-inch box jumps. I’m still excited about box jumps because I can FINALLY do them! I worked my way up from the 12 inch box using plates, and for the second time, I was able to do real box jumps in a Wod… 60 of them! My recovery time is getting better as well. I still need to improve my endurance and my speed, which I’m working on. I just need more time.

I’m leaving for Florida in a few weeks and I’m already concerned about it. We’ll have access to a kitchen, so it’s only the two day trip down and two day trip back that concerns me. Paleo on the road is tricky. The hotel and the time share both have gyms, so I’m looking up crossfit workouts that can be done on the road. I’ve found several that look promising. I just need to make a commitment to myself to get it done. It’s not so easy with 5 kids, three of whom need me with them at the play land or the pool. Historically, taking time for myself has been exceedingly difficult. 

Heck, writing this at this very moment is EXCEEDINGLY difficult. The twins are all over my butt about dinner NOW NOW NOW and fix this toy and look at this and question question question. For all I know, I’ve written a bunch of nonsensical gobbly-gook… but no time to check it. Pretty soon, they’re going to start lobbing toys into my head if they don’t eat soon! 

Happy Friday!!!

Eight Months

Aside

I can’t believe it’s been 8 full months since I walked into my first Crossfit class. Wow! Eight months! I never once thought I had it in me. I truly didn’t. My plan was to just keep going until I couldn’t go anymore. That’s still my plan. I just keep showing up and I’ll just keep showing up until I can’t show up any more.

So… let’s review. I’m much stronger than I’ve ever been before. I’m smaller than I was before I started, dropping two sizes. I don’t know how much weight I’ve lost since I’m waiting for the official weigh in at the doctor’s office at the end of the month. Did I meet my expectations? No. I don’t think that I did. Perhaps my expectations were too high, and likely, they were. I just thought that after eight months, I’d be further along than I am. I don’t want to discount the amazing progress I have made, because it IS amazing. I’m doing things I never thought I’d be able to do. It just makes me sad, still, when I look in the mirror.

Part of the problem is that it took me a few months AFTER starting Crossfit to get my diet in check. It’s not perfect, but it’s pretty darn good. I eat greens every single day. I rarely eat grains. I don’t do much paleo-fying or eat gluten free starches. I think I simply need more time to see more change.

I’m also adding a bit more exercise to the picture. I need to work on my endurance, especially for those Crossfit runs that keep tripping me up. I’m tired of being last! I started the Couch 25k program and I’m halfway through week 2. I hope I make it to the end. I’m sure I will have to repeat weeks and this 8 week program will probably take me closer to 12…. but who cares how long it takes. The point is to FINISH it!

What makes me sad is that if you didn’t know me and walked up to me in public, you would NOT see me and think “Crossfitter!” No. You would think I need to get my happy big butt over to the nearest diet center and plop down a load of cash toot suite! At first glance, I still look pretty much the same…. and it isn’t the “granola” chick who lives in me head.

I have this image in my head of what a “granola” type person looks like… naturally thin, comfortable outside in the fresh air, has some muscle definition, comfortable in their own body… I know they are eating healthy because they shine with health. When I look at them, I can’t picture them any other way.

This evening, I happened upon Perez (the gossip guy) and his transformation before and after pics. It took him five years of eating healthy and exercise. His before picture shows a man 80 pounds overweight and unhappy. He has a large beer gut and he looks awful. Of course, he had neon green hair in the pic, which may have made him look worse than he really was. Interestingly enough, I thought his after pictures weren’t that great. Oh, he was thin and muscular, had lost every bit of those 80 extra pounds, and was showing off his 6-pack. However, he still looked uncomfortable in his skin. It didn’t look natural.

The reason I looked him back up was to see what he looked like today, about a year and a half since the after picture. I was shocked. He looks amazing. He was doing a video blog about his new son. He looked comfortable, happy, completely natural. He showed pictures of him outside and at the gym with his son. He looks like someone who’s been fit, healthy, and happy his entire life.

I’ve spent a bit of time wondering if that’s possible for me. Will there come a time in my life when I look like I’ve always been comfortable in my own body… like I’ve always been fit, healthy, and happy??? Will I ever be that “granola” girl who’s part hippie, part health nut???

I don’t know… but I sure hope to be. It took him five years and I’m not even to the one year mark. Time to re-adjust my expectations and keep going…