Eight Months

I can’t believe it’s been 8 full months since I walked into my first Crossfit class. Wow! Eight months! I never once thought I had it in me. I truly didn’t. My plan was to just keep going until I couldn’t go anymore. That’s still my plan. I just keep showing up and I’ll just keep showing up until I can’t show up any more.

So… let’s review. I’m much stronger than I’ve ever been before. I’m smaller than I was before I started, dropping two sizes. I don’t know how much weight I’ve lost since I’m waiting for the official weigh in at the doctor’s office at the end of the month. Did I meet my expectations? No. I don’t think that I did. Perhaps my expectations were too high, and likely, they were. I just thought that after eight months, I’d be further along than I am. I don’t want to discount the amazing progress I have made, because it IS amazing. I’m doing things I never thought I’d be able to do. It just makes me sad, still, when I look in the mirror.

Part of the problem is that it took me a few months AFTER starting Crossfit to get my diet in check. It’s not perfect, but it’s pretty darn good. I eat greens every single day. I rarely eat grains. I don’t do much paleo-fying or eat gluten free starches. I think I simply need more time to see more change.

I’m also adding a bit more exercise to the picture. I need to work on my endurance, especially for those Crossfit runs that keep tripping me up. I’m tired of being last! I started the Couch 25k program and I’m halfway through week 2. I hope I make it to the end. I’m sure I will have to repeat weeks and this 8 week program will probably take me closer to 12…. but who cares how long it takes. The point is to FINISH it!

What makes me sad is that if you didn’t know me and walked up to me in public, you would NOT see me and think “Crossfitter!” No. You would think I need to get my happy big butt over to the nearest diet center and plop down a load of cash toot suite! At first glance, I still look pretty much the same…. and it isn’t the “granola” chick who lives in me head.

I have this image in my head of what a “granola” type person looks like… naturally thin, comfortable outside in the fresh air, has some muscle definition, comfortable in their own body… I know they are eating healthy because they shine with health. When I look at them, I can’t picture them any other way.

This evening, I happened upon Perez (the gossip guy) and his transformation before and after pics. It took him five years of eating healthy and exercise. His before picture shows a man 80 pounds overweight and unhappy. He has a large beer gut and he looks awful. Of course, he had neon green hair in the pic, which may have made him look worse than he really was. Interestingly enough, I thought his after pictures weren’t that great. Oh, he was thin and muscular, had lost every bit of those 80 extra pounds, and was showing off his 6-pack. However, he still looked uncomfortable in his skin. It didn’t look natural.

The reason I looked him back up was to see what he looked like today, about a year and a half since the after picture. I was shocked. He looks amazing. He was doing a video blog about his new son. He looked comfortable, happy, completely natural. He showed pictures of him outside and at the gym with his son. He looks like someone who’s been fit, healthy, and happy his entire life.

I’ve spent a bit of time wondering if that’s possible for me. Will there come a time in my life when I look like I’ve always been comfortable in my own body… like I’ve always been fit, healthy, and happy??? Will I ever be that “granola” girl who’s part hippie, part health nut???

I don’t know… but I sure hope to be. It took him five years and I’m not even to the one year mark. Time to re-adjust my expectations and keep going…

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