It’s not quite a year, that day is actually November 5th, but competing in Festivus (a scaled CrossFit competition) was my one year present to myself. I’ve never consistently participated in anything this long, so it’s kind of a big deal to me. It’s a sign that things really are starting to change inside my head.
So, how did it go? It was GREAT! I had a few goals going in, some I met, some I didn’t… but it was an experience that I loved so much, I’ve already promised to do it again next year! My first goal was to not be last. lol! I wasn’t, but I think I would have been just fine if I were. Next, I wanted to come in under the time cap for everything. I didn’t meet this one and it really is okay. The second wod ended and I had a long way left to go. Those dang burpees got me… slowed me way down.
My biggest goal, something I didn’t dare say until after the competition was over… I wanted to place in the top 3 in the first wod. It was all strength and I knew I had a fighting chance because I’m a strong girl. It was a Thruster Ladder ending at 125#. I knew I could do it because I’d done it for the first time the week before. That was truly the highlight of the entire day for me. I posted the pic a few days ago. One of my awesome coaches snapped the shot. I ended up placing second and I’m thrilled!!! Only one other Novice woman made it to the top of the ladder.
The rest of the day went in fast forward, an adrenaline rush the entire time. Several people congratulated me after the Thruster lift. A few women like myself, dare I say it… bigger girls… told me it was amazing seeing a bigger womon out there at the top of the ladder. That was truly my area… the sprint and the endurance wods kicked my patootie! However, because I’d finished so high in the strength part, my overall place was 26 out of 34. I would have liked it to be closer to the middle of the pack, but honestly, I’m still pretty thrilled. When I finally crashed, I was exhausted and brain dead. The next day was spent walking around like a zombie with as much time on the couch as 5 kids will allow. I went to the gym yesterday for a special Birthday Wod, and my body just didn’t work right. Things I tried to lift just didn’t lift. lol! I guess I needed another day or two to recover.
I have a lot of other thoughts floating around in my head and I’m not sure how to get them on paper. I’m still wondering when I’m going to start feeling like a Crossfitter. It’s been nearly a year. I have to be honest, though, the cool, hot pink socks I wore for the competition helped. lol. But seriously, I know it’s all in my head… but WHEN do I start feeling like a Crossfitter and not just someone who does CrossFit? When will I feel comfortable wearing a CrossFit shirt and not wonder if I’m embarrassing the box’s owner, a big girl wearing a fitness shirt… gee, that fitness program must work pretty well, look at her fat arse! Sometimes I’m pretty cruel in my head. Sigh.
I have other thoughts floating around, about being a bigger girl and being good at lifting weights. People in my life have been subtle (and sometimes not), and I’ve received the message loud and clear… it’s great that you can lift, but when are you going to lose the weight??? One person flat out asked me when I’m going to lose my stomach. That was about 6 months ago. My stomach isn’t really any smaller now than it was then. I’m already dreading heading into Christmas looking physically exactly the same. Yes, I can lift probably twice as much as I could last Christmas, but I’m still the exact same size a year later. The message I get from society, the message I get from my inner circle… it’s still the same… lifting is great but when are you going to LOOK any different. Okay… that might not be a truly fair statement. The real message I get from those closest to me… SILENCE! I have never done anything physical in my entire life, at least not longer than a couple of months. It hurts to feel that the one thing I am actually good at, is discounted because it’s not something society says women should do, especially BIG women.
So what’s next??? I’ve spent a few days thinking about this. I’m not entirely sure what’s next. I need some new goals. I need to work harder on some old goals. Eating is still a problem. Time to spend some effort and energy into figuring out what the zone is and how to get there. I could also use another detox. Sugar and flour have crept back into my diet and I need to give them eviction notices. I’m also trying to figure out the best way to balance my lifting with my sprint/endurance stuff, both huge weaknesses. I want to spend some time in my gym’s Olympic Lifting section and work with the world class Olympic coach on my technique… but it can’t come at the expense of my regular wods… or the after school commitments I already have. I’m going to have to find some balance. And, of course, it would be nice to lose the weight!
Overall, I’m heading into my second year of CrossFit, just as excited as ever. There’s lots more to accomplish… it’s been an amazing year! 🙂