I bought myself a ticket while flying down the highway, somewhere in South Carolina. It’s my one year anniversary present to myself. The meet is next weekend and then my official one year anniversary is November 5th. Honestly, I’m nervous as heck. The strength part is fine. It’s the endurance and the sprint that I’m going to be last in… and I’m trying my very best to be okay with that. It’s the process of competing that is the gift to myself. It’s one thing I can check off my bucket list… compete in an athletic event.
I’m not going to lie to you, though. Instead of focusing on the competition, the last 11 days have wreaked havoc on me. My Hubs is working and we’re not getting paid. Thank you, Government!!! (insert angry, profanity-filled rant!) Things are getting cut (grocery budget!) and the high quality, organic, grass fed stuff was the first to go. At times, my grocery cart looks downright ghetto! Cereal and Ramen noodles have been in there a time or two. I’m not eating them, and I feel guilty for buying them… but two teen boys in the house, I need fillers that don’t cost much. Organic lunch chips have been replaced with cheap chips. Ham sandwiches are now pb&j. Beans and rice are been back on the menu as well as lots of soups and chili with beans. Add in the looming bills, especially my rent… and I’m a walking basket case, desperately trying not to self-medicate with food… but with no Xanex in the house… well, let’s just say I’m sure the scale went up in the last two weeks. Sigh.
This too shall pass… but it’s really hard to feel that way when instead, you feel like the house is crashing down on you. Everyone is testy and grumpy. Teen drama is on high alert. I’m trying really hard not to let myself sink into depression, but my own anxieties, coupled with the anxieties of everyone around me, is getting to be too much. Let’s not even talk about the two hours of homework I do every night with the twins… #bangingheadonthetable
So… that’s where I am… trying to get ready for a competition that I’m wholly unprepared for…. and trying to steer my entire family through some bumps in the road without causing permanent psychological damage to any of us. Maybe it’s not just the “teen” drama… perhaps we’re all being a bit more dramatic these days.
I’m still making it to the gym 3x a week, and that is what’s saving my sanity. Today, the only reason I went was because that’s what I do on Friday mornings at 10:30. It was hard to get out the door. In fact, I missed the weightlifting class and was 8 minutes late to class… but I got there. I’m always glad I went and today was no exception. I felt much, much better overall. I feel so sorry for y’all because, really, I have the best gym and the best coaches in the world! 🙂
There is some good news in all of this. I have been resting my shoulder and not doing anything overhead for the last several weeks. Wednesday was my official “going back overhead” day and I managed to hit a 125# thruster from the ground up! Best part… no shoulder pain afterwards! Today, I worked on some lightweight snatches (55#) and while I couldn’t quite get into a full squat snatch, I think I did pretty well. Still… no shoulder pain! I don’t know what’s going on or why my pain seems to have suddenly gotten better…. but in light of everything else going on around me, I’ll take it!