I Feel Like I Have a Secret Life

My online friends will think this is crazy, because I do little else than talk about CrossFit, my kids, and post endless pictures of my pets. However, my real life friends, the people I see day in and day out, have no idea what I do in CrossFit. They might have heard me mention it… and I occasionally drop a bomb about a lift total or being sore from a workout… but for the most part, they know very little about my CrossFit life. I try not to talk about it too much, in real life.

This weekend, I went to a Cub Scout function and one of the guys there is a serious runner. I joked about when he’s going to come over to CrossFit, and mentioned my 265 back squat. Another gentleman overheard and he whipped his head around so fast I think his neck might hurt. lol. He just looked at me… I know what he was thinking… no way can SHE lift that much. Let’s face it, I still don’t look like a fit person… but the guy was nice and joked about probably not being able to lift that much himself.

It’s sort of weird that my Mom friends and neighbor friends just don’t know about all these cool and wonderful things I get to do, and I can’t really even tell them about it. They aren’t interested. They don’t understand. It’s so far off their radars that it doesn’t register. Sometimes I keep quiet for other reasons… big girl lifting big weights… not something that gets a lot of positive press.

So, while I never seem to shut up about CrossFit online, my real life, outside of my box friends, is pretty mum and I often feel like I have a whole other secret life… and mostly, that makes me smile. 🙂

Yesterday, I had a DNF… Did Not Finish! That did NOT make me smile! My second one… and I thought about it all night. I think I know what happened. It was all psychological… It’s okay… I can do that… I’m an actual Shrink! lol! First problem was that it was a Hero Wod on a Holiday. That’s intimidating to begin with. The last Hero Wod I did on a holiday was way back in the beginning and I didn’t finish. I did 70% of Murph and that was that. I was still a newbie. This time, I sort of set myself up by focusing on how difficult Hero Wods are. Add in my anxiety about being pathetically last… really last… like over 10 minutes after everyone else is done… last… and I just freaked.

We were doing Omar… and I did:

10 Thrusters (55#)
15 Burpees
20 Thrusters
25 Burpees
30 Thrusters
…… and stopped. I was feeling a bit dizzy. I think my blood sugar was dropping a bit from not eating enough… but I should have just plowed through and sucked it up. Yes, I would have been pathetically last by 10 minutes or more… but I should have done it anyway. I was embarrassed and I was very angry with myself… so… when most people left, I did those last 35 Burpees off in the corner by myself. Yay!!! I just had to do them. No way I was going to walk out of that door without doing them. I might have blown the workout… and there might have been a 15 minute break between the last set of thrusters and the last set of burpees… but I did them! 🙂 Next time, I need to not freak myself out and just get on with it. So what if I’m pathetically last in front of people I don’t know… just get it done! Will someone remind me of this when the next major Hero Wod comes around??? Thanks! 🙂

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2 thoughts on “I Feel Like I Have a Secret Life

  1. You did finish, my darling. You finished by yourself, which makes me respect so much. You didn’t quit. You just took a break when you couldn’t go on, and got right back to work when you could.

  2. When I first started, all I wanted to talk about was Crossfit because it was SUCH a big deal for my mentally and physically. Most people don’t even know what it is, so I quickly learned to not talk about my snatch or my jerk in public :). I m glad you have a few safe people you can talk to about working out!

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