Here’s a short vid that a friend of mine took yesterday. We were doing a one rep max in Front Squats, something I’d never done before. I knew I could do 5 reps at 155, so I was really excited. My hope was to get to 185… then I got excited, thinking, what if I got to 200. Wouldn’t that be freaky??? At the end, I hit a one rep max of 205#! Faint!!! I swear, if my friend hadn’t captured it on video, I would never believe it really happened. Here’s the link:
It’s the weirdest thing. I’ve looked at the vid several times and I still can’t believe I did it… then my crazy mind takes over and I think, well, maybe it wasn’t really that big of a deal. Maybe lots and lots of people can do it and I’m just being silly by being so excited about it… and it’s embarrassing that I even posted it at all. Maybe I’m still a gym “poser.” And even worse, I hear that voice in my head… the really evil voice… saying how great that is, but my stomach still isn’t that much smaller and what am I going to do about that.
I know… It’s crazy making! I’m trying to enjoy doing something I never, ever thought I would ever be able to do… and trying to silence the voices that keep telling me I’m a girl and not only is it not worth doing, but this isn’t really that big of a deal and stop embarrassing myself by posting it.
My solution… continue the course… keep doing what I’m doing. Being in that gym… holding that bar… it’s TERRIFYING sometimes… it’s exciting and fun and really, really IN THE MOMENT! The voices go away and suddenly, it’s just playing and it’s peaceful…. so I keep going back. Eventually, perhaps, the voices will sort themselves.