I’m nearly 20 days into the January Fitness Challenge and I have to tell you, it’s getting harder by the day. Perhaps it has to do with my perfectionistic attitude… maybe it’s my eating disorder background… but this is HARD! Tracking every little thing I do and eat, and how much I weigh, is fantastic when things are going my way… and soul crushing when they are not. It’s no secret I’ve battled bulimia and compulsive eating my entire life… and even though it’s been over 20 years since I’ve actively participated in that craziness, I’m shocked that the triggers are still there, though I really shouldn’t be.
A little extra self care is needed… I’ve loosened up a bit on the paleo diet. I believe being so strict for the first couple of weeks led to a binge this past weekend, classic all or nothing perfectionistic behavior. Lovely, eh? So… my while calorie count has remained generally the same overall, I’m no longer going to stress about being perfectly paleo. I added beans to that chili… oh yes I did! I ate a few dark chocolate covered espresso beans… and I added some greek yogurt back in. I’m hoping that by getting out of the deprivation mindset, I’ll avoid any future binges. It’s a slippery slope and I sure as hell never want to go back there again.
One other thing… I stopped getting on the scale a few days ago. I can’t handle it. When it’s down, I’m thrilled… but when it’s up… it’s maddening. There were days when I did everything “right” and still the scale went up. There were a few days in a row when I was “perfect” and the scale went up. Nearly three weeks into the challenge and the overall total is only 5 pounds down. It drives people like me crazy.
I have been doing Crossfit for over a year now. My body has changed, but I certainly have another 50 pounds to lose. I don’t yet “look” like a Crossfitter. All this time I honestly thought that the reason I haven’t dropped the weight was because I wasn’t paleo enough. I’ve read tons of stories online about people who’ve done Crossfit for a year and they look amazing… lost 60-70 pounds… changed their lives, etc. Well that’s not me… I’m 15 months into my journey and down only 23 pounds… and even though they are big on me, I’m still wearing a size 18W pant because of the dang waist. Now that I’ve spent three full weeks being pretty darn perfect (minus the binge!), and the scale hasn’t moved in any significant way… I’m baffled. Sure… 5 pounds in 3 weeks is good. I’m happy with that… but I expected more. I hear stories ALL THE TIME about people who lose huge amounts of weight by going paleo… again, that just isn’t me. WHY??? Is it the PCOS (hormone imbalance that I have… which is still here despite me having no active symptoms). Is it that I’ve blown out my metabolism from the crazy stuff I did in High School and College? Regardless of the cause, it’s infuriating!
So what’s the plan? It’s what the plan always is… stay the course! Keep doing what I’m doing… keep eating paleo most of the time… keep working out 4+ days a week, maybe adding in an extra cardio session here or there now that my road bike is here and so much fun!!! Honestly, what’s the alternative… give up? Go back??? Not an option. I’ve worked too long and too hard just to get here… I’m not giving up now. I’m meeting with the Bod Pod people on Monday to help narrow in my calorie range and see exactly where I need to be. At least that will give me the peace of mind about how much I’m eating and if it’s the right amount for me.
Overall, I’m hanging in there… still tracking all the trackable stuff, except the weight. Not sure when I’ll get back on the scale. It’s not worth it right now. Hope the rest of you are hanging in there as well! The year is off to a pretty good start, despite not quite meeting my exceedingly high and perfectionistic expectations. Lol!!! The Universe is teaching me a lesson here… I’ve just go to start paying attention and figure it out. 🙂