Where Have I Been???

I seem to have disappeared since January. You might think I’ve abandoned ship and gone back to the old ways of excessive eating and laziness… but not so, promise! I was waylaid by the kids’ Spring schedules. With some weeks having up to 12 kid activities, I nearly lost my mind… and all of my free time. Things are beginning to settle and drop off the table, and I’m finding little pockets of time to do things like update my blog. Has it really been FIVE months!!!

So, how are things going… well, they are awesome, actually. My two year Crossfit-versary is coming up in a few months and I’m going to put some before and after pictures up, even though I’m not yet at my final “After.” For my one year anniversary, I decided to do the Festivus Games. I recently found out that one of my coaches is trying to put together an Oly Lifting competition in September, and that sounds like a perfect 2-year gift to myself. I committed myself to joining the United States Weightlifting Association and made a promise to compete at least once. It sounds weird saying it. It feels weird typing it. I’m doing it anyway!

I have changed some things a bit. My diet has gotten cleaner overall and refined carbs are by and large once a week options usually at dinners out. I hate to jump on the Paleo band wagon, but functionally, that’s pretty much how I eat these days. I do add steel cut oat groats a few times a week if I’ve worked out really hard that day and feel like I need something heavier than meats and veggies.

I also found myself stuck at a months-long plateau that just was NOT moving. Maybe my body was adjusting itself to the changes. Maybe I just needed to do something more. Whatever the reason, I decided it wouldn’t kill me if I dropped my overall calories by about two hundred per day, nothing drastic. I still eat between 1800 and 2500 calories a day, depending on how hard I workout that day. I thought a slight drop might be enough to push my body out of it’s plateau and start the scale moving again. It seems to be working. The scale is inching back in the direction I’d like, but very slowly and consistently, which I also like. I do realize that the scale is not the best tool to measure success, but I have found it helpful as a general measure of how things are looking.

A better tool to measure success… My Clothes!!! It was time to start cleaning out my closet and getting rid of everything size 20 and 22. I did start the process and have two rather large piles of ready to go, but I haven’t actually given them away yet. I will. It’s hard. I feel like I’m getting rid of my safety net and the “What if I need them again?” thoughts are there… but I realize that for my health, both physical and mental, they have to go. I have held on to the size 18’s, but I think I need to let a few of the bigger ones go as well. I’m now comfortably in a size 16w. I’m thrilled and I’m looking forward to getting even fitter! ๐Ÿ™‚

Another measure of my success is my medication dropping off the table. When I first started my Journey to Health I was on four different medications. I was taking shots for my glucose every single day, and had been for 7 years. Recently, I was down to just one medication and based on my last round of bloodwork, that medication was CUT IN HALF!!! I’m thrilled!!! I’m really looking forward to the day when I can drop it altogether.

My current plan is to continue the course… Crossfit/Lifting 4-5 times per week, clean eating, lots of sleep.

I also have a few thoughts in my head that I need to blog about, and hopefully with a bit more free time, it won’t be five months until it’s done. Someone asked me what getting to my goal will feel like. It was a shocking question that’s been rattling around in my head for several weeks now. Not once have I ever thought about what getting to my goal will “feel” like. It’s always been a picture. It’s always been physically based. I’ve truly never given any thought to what that’s going to “feel” like, until recently.

I’m also struggling with the concept of “good enough.” What is “good enough?” Is “good enough” actually “good enough?” Short answer… NO! Long answer… I want to blog about it.

So… that’s where I am. I’m pretty happy these days, both with life in general and with me. I’m not sure I’ve ever been this happy with things before. They’re certainly not perfect, but overall, I’m in a great place and I’m really looking forward to what’s next. ๐Ÿ™‚

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Quick Update on how the Challenge is going

I’m nearly 20 days into the January Fitness Challenge and I have to tell you, it’s getting harder by the day. Perhaps it has to do with my perfectionistic attitude… maybe it’s my eating disorder background… but this is HARD! Tracking every little thing I do and eat, and how much I weigh, is fantastic when things are going my way… and soul crushing when they are not. It’s no secret I’ve battled bulimia and compulsive eating my entire life… and even though it’s been over 20 years since I’ve actively participated in that craziness, I’m shocked that the triggers are still there, though I really shouldn’t be.ย 

A little extra self care is needed… I’ve loosened up a bit on the paleo diet. I believe being so strict for the first couple of weeks led to a binge this past weekend, classic all or nothing perfectionistic behavior. Lovely, eh? So… my while calorie count has remained generally the same overall, I’m no longer going to stress about being perfectly paleo. I added beans to that chili… oh yes I did! I ate a few dark chocolate covered espresso beans… and I added some greek yogurt back in. I’m hoping that by getting out of the deprivation mindset, I’ll avoid any future binges. It’s a slippery slope and I sure as hell never want to go back there again.ย 

One other thing… I stopped getting on the scale a few days ago. I can’t handle it. When it’s down, I’m thrilled… but when it’s up… it’s maddening. There were days when I did everything “right” and still the scale went up. There were a few days in a row when I was “perfect” and the scale went up. Nearly three weeks into the challenge and the overall total is only 5 pounds down. It drives people like me crazy.ย 

I have been doing Crossfit for over a year now. My body has changed, but I certainly have another 50 pounds to lose. I don’t yet “look” like a Crossfitter. All this time I honestly thought that the reason I haven’t dropped the weight was because I wasn’t paleo enough. I’ve read tons of stories online about people who’ve done Crossfit for a year and they look amazing… lost 60-70 pounds… changed their lives, etc. Well that’s not me… I’m 15 months into my journey and down only 23 pounds… and even though they are big on me, I’m still wearing a size 18W pant because of the dang waist. ย Now that I’ve spent three full weeks being pretty darn perfect (minus the binge!), and the scale hasn’t moved in any significant way… I’m baffled. Sure… 5 pounds in 3 weeks is good. I’m happy with that… but I expected more. I hear stories ALL THE TIME about people who lose huge amounts of weight by going paleo… again, that just isn’t me. WHY??? Is it the PCOS (hormone imbalance that I have… which is still here despite me having no active symptoms). Is it that I’ve blown out my metabolism from the crazy stuff I did in High School and College? Regardless of the cause, it’s infuriating!ย 

So what’s the plan? It’s what the plan always is… stay the course! Keep doing what I’m doing… keep eating paleo most of the time… keep working out 4+ days a week, maybe adding in an extra cardio session here or there now that my road bike is here and so much fun!!! Honestly, what’s the alternative… give up? Go back??? Not an option. I’ve worked too long and too hard just to get here… I’m not giving up now. I’m meeting with the Bod Pod people on Monday to help narrow in my calorie range and see exactly where I need to be. At least that will give me the peace of mind about how much I’m eating and if it’s the right amount for me.ย 

Overall, I’m hanging in there… still tracking all the trackable stuff, except the weight. Not sure when I’ll get back on the scale. It’s not worth it right now. Hope the rest of you are hanging in there as well! The year is off to a pretty good start, despite not quite meeting my exceedingly high and perfectionistic expectations. Lol!!! The Universe is teaching me a lesson here… I’ve just go to start paying attention and figure it out. ๐Ÿ™‚

January Fitness Challenge

Sorry in advance. This is going to be a little boring for a bit. My gym is having a Fitness Challenge and I need somewhere to keep track of everything I do and everything I eat… and it has to be a blog. I have a blog… easy-peasy! I’ll be posting all the boring stuff and updating as needed… but won’t be linking it to facebook or anything. Lol! No one really cares about that sort of stuff. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ready???

Jan 1… Fight Gone Bad, 199 reps
Weight-250
(400) Bulletproof Coffee
(300) 3 eggs
(40) Tea with half and half
(155) Cabbage with sausage
(300) Blackeye peas with Sausage, little smidge of rice
(500) Apple with Almond Butter
(0) Apple Cider Tea
1695 Total

Jan 2
Weight-250
(40) Tea with half and half
(400) Bulletproof Coffee
(700) Sausage and Eggs
(300) Kale and fruit protein smoothie with ginger
(600) Chili
(40) Tea with half and half
(500) Chili
2580 Total

Jan 3… 5rds… 6 bench press (85#), 12 Cleans, 1/2 from the hang (95#), 72 Jumps… 18:19
Weight-247
(400) Bulletproof Coffee
(300) Kale and Fruit Protein Smoothie
(400) Chili (from Greene Turtle Restaurant)
(500) Cobb Salad (from Greene Turtle Restaurant)
(712) Tomato soup with chicken, avocado, sunflower seeds, and parm cheese
(0) Plain tea
2312 Total

Jan 4
Weight-247
(400) Bulletproof Coffee
(300) Mean Green Protein Smoothie
(517) Tomato Soup with avocado and sunflower seeds
(40) Tea with half and half
(500) Burger, no bun (5 Guys)
(225) A few Peanuts (5 Guys)
(0) Tea, plain
(404) Tomato Soup with Sunflower Seeds
(65) Raspberries
Total 2451

Jan 5
Weight-247
(400) Bulletproof Coffee
(360) Mean Green Protein Smoothie
(280) Grilled Chicken
(300) Roasted Butternut Squash
(130) Dressing, Cesear
(60) Apple Sauce
(320) Chocolate Covered Coconut
Total 1870

Jan 6…Fit Test…3rm ft sqt(165#), 500m row(2:03), AMRAPย 6 Burp plate jumps, 10 kbsw (35#), 15 Air Squats (6 rds+3 Bps)
Plus Oly gym work, 1rm snatch(100) and 2rm front squat(175)
Weight-245
(400) Bulletproof Coffee
(336) 3 eggs
(360) Mean Green Protein Smoothie
(290) Tomato soup with hard boiled egg
(377) Stuffed pepper
(250) Parsley Buttered potatoes
(50) Applesauce
(300) Apple and Almond Butter
2363 Total

Jan 7
Weight-244

(400) Bulletproof Coffee
(377) 2 Eggs, 2 bacons, Avocado
(360) Mean Green Protein Smoothie
(300) 5oz. Pot Roast
(300) 2c Roasted Butternut Squash
(469) Tomato soup with sunflower seeds and parm cheese
Total 2246

Jan 8
Weight-245

(400) Bulletproof Coffee
(387) 3 eggs, 2 bacon, avocado
(360) Mean Green Smoothie
(360) 1 cup shelled pistachios
(937) Salad with various veggies, raisins, sunflower seeds, parm cheese, grilled chicken, and dressing
(50) Tea with Paleo Creamer
Total 2494

Jan 9…18m amrap, 10 gtoh 25# plate, 10 oh lunges w/plate, 10 jumping sqts, 90 jumps. (6rds, 10gtoh, 7lunges)…plus 2×5 bench (95#), 1ร—5 bench (105#), 4ร—10 bent over bar row (85#).
Weight-246

(400) Bulletproof Coffee
(330) 3 eggs in butter
(679) Leafy green salad with veggies, cheese, sunflower seeds, raisins, dressing, and pot roast
(50) Tea with Paleo Creamer
(578) 5 ounce burger (no bun) with peppers and onions, roasted veggies with olive oil
(300) Apple with Almond Butter
Total 2337

Jan 10… 5 rds various skill work, level 2 lifting
Weight-244

(400) Bulletproof Coffee
(380) Sausage and Eggs
(585) Elevation Burger (no bun) and mandarin oranges
(50) Tea with Half and Half
(200) Mean Green Protein Smoothie
(???) Dodge Ball Party, ate all Paleo
Total unknown

Jan 11
Weight-243

(400) Bulletproof coffee
(690) Chili with beans and cheese
(1034) Spinach salad with fruit and veggies, grilled chicken, avocado, sunflower seeds, cheese, dressing
Total 2124

Jan 12
Weight-243

(400) Bulletproof coffee
(807) Chili with avocado and cheese
(80) Mixed fruit
(175) Pomegranate
(828) Paleo Pancakes (2 eggs, 2 bananas, 1T butter), bacon and maple syrup
Total 2290

Jan 13… 20 min clean and jerk form work (65-85#), 4m amrap 15 Thrusters/p.u., Snatch practice (5×55, 65, 65, 65, 77, 77#)
Weight-244

(400) Bulletproof coffee
(300) 3 eggs
(614) Protein smoothie with leftover spinach salad
(300) Small apple and almond butter
(50) tea with half and half
(544) 6oz baked ham and brussels sprouts
Total 2383

Jan 14… 15, 30-second sprints at 6.0
Weight-242

(400) Bulletproof Coffee
(626) 1/2 Towering Onion Rings (Red Robin)
(900) Red, White, and Bleu Salad with dressing (Red Robin)
(120) Coconut Water
(609) Chili over roasted cauliflower with cheese
Total 2655

Jan 15… 3×4 Snatches (55#, 75, 85, 85), 2k row, 30 sq cl 75#, 300 singles
Weight-244

(400) Bulletproof Coffee
(200) 2 eggs
(120) Coconut Water
(300) Green Smoothie with protein
(190) Almond Butter
(70) Hard boiled egg
(870) Salad topped with bbq pulled pork, veggies, and almonds, with dressing
(50) Tea with half and half
Total 2200

Jan 16… 21-18-15-12-9 Push Presses (55#) Hanging Knee Raises (8:31)
Weight-243

(400) Bulletproof Coffee
(200) 2 eggs
(554) Chocolate Almond Green Protein Smoothie
(304) Peanut butter and banana
(50) Tea with half and half
(388) Baked chicken breast
(600) Italian Green Bean Casserole (bread crumbs inside)
(156) 2/3rds pomegranate
Total 2652

Jan 17… Death by box jumps (12-inch) and Snatches (65#), 3.5 mile road bike
Weight-243

(300) 3 Eggs
(100) Post workout protein
(104) Banana
(642) Salad with turkey, egg, sunflower seeds, almonds, dressing, parm cheese
(656) Grilled chicken salad
(200) Almond Butter
Total 2002

Jan 18
Weight-244

(400) Bulletproof Coffee
(746) 3 eggs and grits made with milk
(1700) approx. Frozen pizza
(133) yogurt and granola
Total 2979, approx

Jan 19
Weight-

(400) Bulletproof Coffee
(860) Roasted chicken salad with veggies, nuts, cheese, and dressing
(120) Greek yogurt
(890) Chili with greek yogurt and cheese
(364) Apple with chocolate cashew butter
Total 2634

Jan 20… 12min amrap 4 clean and jerks (85#), 12 wall balls (14#), 3 jumping pull ups on top of minute. Plus, Oly work, snatches, ohs, fs.
Weight-

(400) Bulletproof Coffee
(150) Shaved deli turkey
(430) Chili
(201) Green protein smoothie
(326) Chili
(660) 2 cups pistachios in shell
(221) Chocolate covered espresso beans
(160) Greek yogurt
Total 2548

Jan 21
Weight-

(400) Bulletproof Coffee
(310) Turkey and spinach sandwich
(221) Espresso beans, dark chocolate
(330) Pistachios in shell
(904) Shephard’s Pie, 2 cups
(160) Greek Yogurt
(234) Pomegranate
Total 2159

Jan 22… 15min amrap, 5 push presses (95#), 10 lunges with bar (95#), 10 box jumps. 3rm push press, 125#
Weight-

(400) Bulletproof Coffee
(100) Turkey
(170) Mixed nuts
(221) Chocolate espresso beans
(350) Tomato soup with almonds
(50) Apple sauce
(700) Taco Salad
(200) Tomato Soup, plain
(100) After workout protein
Total 2291

Jan 23… 10 30/30 Sprints at 6.0, 50 push presses, 50 squat cleans, 50 full squat snatches (all 45#)
Weight-

(400) Bulletproof Coffee
(750) Tomato Soup with turkey and almonds
(100) Protein after Workout
(280) Banana and cashew butter
(700) Salad from Outback
(100) Tea with half and half
Total 2330

Jan 24… 5-4-3-2-1 Snatches (65#), Burpee pull ups, 250 row, 12:03
Weight-

(400) Bulletproof Coffee
(200) Turkey
(550) Hamburger, five guys
(300) 1/2 Single fries, five guys
(100) Coke
(900) Grilled Cheese
(383) Tomato soup with grilled chicken
(50) Tea with half and half
Total 2883

Jan 25
Weight-

(400) Bulletproof Coffee
(120) Z-bar
(340) Mixed nuts
(200) Roasted veggies
(300) Chips
(250) Cocoa
(612) Meatloaf
(50) Roasted Veggies
Total 2272

Jan 26
Weight-

(400) Bulletproof Coffee
(640) 2 eggs, 2 bananas, maple syrup (paleo pancakes)
(360) pistachios, 1 cup
(825) Chicken spinach salad
(50) Tea with cream
Total 2275

Jan 27…10 sq cl thrusters (75#), 30 jpu, 30 bench dips, 10 sq clean thrusters, 10:16, Oly work in pm

(400) Bulletproof Coffee
(100) Apple
(250) Green Smoothie with protein
(???) High Tea ๐Ÿ™‚
(300) Pan fried tilapia, no batter
(50) Roasted veggies
(460) Birthday Cake
Total ???

Jan 28
Weight-243

(460) Birthday Cake
(200) Bulletproof Coffee
(840) Burger, Five Guys
(480) Pistachios in shell
(700) Jambalaya with Sausage
(50) Tea with half and half
(200) 2 eggs
Total 2930

Jan 29… 2k row, 30 shoulder to overhead, 85#, 40 air squats, 10 OHS, 85#, 17:39, Lots of Snatch and OHS practice, 75 and 85#
Weight-

(200) Bulletproof Coffee
(300) 3 eggs
(515) Salad with lots of veggies, almonds, dressing, parm cheese, raisins
(100) After workout protein drink
(50) Tea with half and half
(50) Tea with half and half
(327) Chili with avocado and parm
(130) 2 small oatmeal cookies
(347) Chili with avocado and parm
(50) Tea with half and half
Total 2069

Jan 30
Weight-243

(200) Bulletproof Coffee
(350) 3 scrambled eggs
(100) Bacon
(90) Cashew Butter
(700) Bonesless pork chop, creamed spinach, roasted butternut squash
(70) Tea with cream and a smidge of sugar
Total 1510

Jan 31
Weight-

I Just Came Back From Dick’s Sporting Goods

And I’m sorry to say, the entire store still intimidates the heck out of me. It does. My anxiety starts rising the minute I realize I need to go there for something. In fact, I actually put on lipstick before heading into the store… because that’s going to offer me some sort of defense??? Crazy. The entire event was an exercise in anxiety and frustration. Walking in the door is difficult. There is NOTHING in the store… not one thing… in their clothing section that could remotely fit me. I’ve looked. My Hubs has looked. I often feel like screaming, “FAT PEOPLE WORK OUT TOO, ya know… we’re not all lazy bums eating chips on the couch all day!!!” But, apparently, it’s frowned upon to yell things like that in public. So, I quickly walk past the clothing section, looking straight ahead. I head straight to the bikes to look for a helmet. My choices were green, gray, or white. I have a purple bike… so no helmet for me today. Internet, it is.

Next, I head on over to the shoe section to look at the adorable pink Reebok lifting shoes… sooooo cute…. and the entire time I’m there, I have imaginary people in my head, wondering why someone like me… you know… f-a-t… could possibly need lifting shoes or nanos. In reality, there wasn’t anyone around to help me, so I probably wasn’t being judged at all. I did have to ask someone where I could find some tape. She was pretty distracted, and not very helpful, but did point me in the general direction. The shoes had to wait… I was only getting tape today.ย 

Made my way to the tape section, past those awful, horrible, completely adorable clothes that I don’t have a prayer of fitting in to… ๐Ÿ˜ฆ ย and ended up in team sports. I finally had to ask someone else about the tape… does everyone who works there have to be perfect people who look like they work out??? Turns out, they are out of tape and won’t have more until tomorrow. How does a sports store sell out of tape??? More frustration and it means I’m going to have to go back.ย 

I do realize it’s mostly in my head. My Hubs was with me (’cause I sure wasn’t going in that store by myself!) and he was baffled when I mentioned how intimidated I was… not exactly being the poster child for physical fitness. He just calmly pointed out all of the things I can do and how far I’ve come… and that makes me exactly the poster child for physical fitness and changing my life. He’s a good man. ๐Ÿ™‚ย 

Speaking of changing my life… I started out the year well… Fight Gone Bad… 199 reps. Yep… one stinking rep away from 200. Sigh. Next year, I’m shooting for 300! It was a great way to ring in the new year and I hope you all started out your new year as happily as I started mine.ย 

Happy New Years!!!

ย 

Merry Christmas… I Survived my First 12 Days of Christmas Wod!

And I loved it!!! It’s THE workout of the year. I didn’t go last year because I was still new and very much intimidated by big, Holiday workouts. I was on the fence about going this year, but several of my friends were going so I yielded to their happy pressure and went. It was great!

Each box has their own 12 Days of Christmas, done in rounds, like the song. Here’s the scaled version I did:

1 Push Up
2 Box Step Ups
3 Thrusters (65#)
4 Jumping Pull Ups
5 Burpees
6 Hanging Knee Raises
7 Wall Balls (14#)
8 Kettle Swings (35#)
27 Single Jump Ropes (Instead of 9 Double Unders)
10 Overhead Lunges with 25# Plate
11 Hang Power Cleans
12 Snatches
Took me 38:36. LOVED IT!!!

Merry Christmas… and may all your CrossFit wish lists get filled. ๐Ÿ™‚

It’s Just Crazy (video link)

Here’s a short vid that a friend of mine took yesterday. We were doing a one rep max in Front Squats, something I’d never done before. I knew I could do 5 reps at 155, so I was really excited. My hope was to get to 185… then I got excited, thinking, what if I got to 200. Wouldn’t that be freaky??? At the end, I hit a one rep max of 205#! Faint!!! I swear, if my friend hadn’t captured it on video, I would never believe it really happened. Here’s the link:

http://www.coachseye.com/TYQ4

It’s the weirdest thing. I’ve looked at the vid several times and I still can’t believe I did it… then my crazy mind takes over and I think, well, maybe it wasn’t really that big of a deal. Maybe lots and lots of people can do it and I’m just being silly by being so excited about it… and it’s embarrassing that I even posted it at all. Maybe I’m still a gym “poser.” And even worse, I hear that voice in my head… the really evil voice… saying how great that is, but my stomach still isn’t that much smaller and what am I going to do about that.

I know… It’s crazy making! I’m trying to enjoy doing something I never, ever thought I would ever be able to do… and trying to silence the voices that keep telling me I’m a girl and not only is it not worth doing, but this isn’t really that big of a deal and stop embarrassing myself by posting it.

My solution… continue the course… keep doing what I’m doing. Being in that gym… holding that bar… it’s TERRIFYING sometimes… it’s exciting and fun and really, really IN THE MOMENT! The voices go away and suddenly, it’s just playing and it’s peaceful…. so I keep going back. Eventually, perhaps, the voices will sort themselves.

Something New…

Finally… took me over a year to make it to the Olympic Lifting part of my gym. I sneaked over there a time or two, even did the workout, but I kept missing the coach. Finally got to work with him and it was awesome! Worked on my Snatch form… elbows out, shoulders back, arms straight, jump back… and now that’s what I’ve been chanting in my head… every rep. Might have sounded a little crazy today if you stood nearby. Today’s workout was all about snatches so I put my new chanting skills to use and hit a 20# pr… 95#. So exciting!!! I did the workout at the prescribed weight of 65# and my shoulder felt great. Hurt a teeny bit at 95# so I stopped… but I really, really wanted to try for 105! Maybe next time…

Project Smaller Lori is still coming along, as well. I’ve had the occasional cheat meal, though I hate that term and need to come up with something else. “Cheating” bothers me and I need a paradigm shift… maybe Splurge Meal??? Whatever I end up calling it, they have been few and far between. The plan is to get healthy and that means fueling my body with things that are good for it… putting good things in and getting good things out… like new prs and doing the workout at prescribed weights. I try really, really hard not to focus on the scale, lest I become obsessed… dangerous territory for people with eating disorders, like me! However, I’ve been using it as a guide to see how Project Smaller Lori is coming along… and the Heaven’s have been kind this week. I’m doing the work… and it’s showing on the scale… not yet in my clothes or even with the tape measure… but something is happening and I’m finally moving in the right direction now. I’ve been stuck for months and months and months. I hate making weight goals… but I do have a certain number in mind to hit by Christmas. It’s small… 7 pounds left until I meet it… and doable if I stay on track.

So the plan is to continue what I’m doing… and even though I can only spend one evening a week in the Oly gym, by gosh I’m going to make the most of it. It’s new… it’s exciting… it’s fun… really, really FUN!!! ๐Ÿ™‚